I find it very strange when I hear a parent saying, "Let's have a discussion son on what you are going to be." I think that very British, pompous and uncalled-for. It should happen naturally. I was never asked, "Which line do you want to get into?" I would never do that with my kid. If I said, "I want to be an engineer," the reply would be, "Ok get into it." I was never forced to handle my father business. My mother was running it after my father died. Eventually, I never ran the business. I would occasionally run an errand like going to the bank or whatever. We had a big business at that time. It was an oil company.


In the film line, he knew Dilip saab, Motilal and many others. In fact, he knew Anil Kapoor's father very well. He used to tell me, "If you want to join films, I will tell SK Kapoor to make you an actor." I remember they were launching Woh Saat Din at that time and my dad said, "If you ever go to Bombay, meet him." I came and met the wrong SK Kapoor. Just recently, SK Kapoor saab gave me a few photographs of my father.


He told us, "Whatever you do, do it to the best of your capability." That kind of concentration was taught to me. Also, due to the freedom I had as a child, I did not get into any bad habits. Even today, I don't like to be told what to do, what not to do. I think you have to understand your responsibilities. Responsibility cannot be taught. I think taught responsibilities are too formal, too mannered. One should know he will be responsible for himself.


Very few people know I used to write what I thought were Urdu couplets. Coming from an Islamic family everyone around spoke in Urdu. My father would read out bedtime stories in Urdu and sometimes also recite the poems of Ghalib and Iqbal to us. I guess my interest arose in writing such couplets because of this. My father encouraged me to think of couplets and write these poems. He even made a book in which he would pen down all that I recited, in his own hand in Urdu. I still have it with me. It is one of my fondest possessions. When he died there was no one to pen down my poems in that book. I didn't really ever learn to write Urdu. I sometimes have friends who can read Urdu read it out to me. I find the couplets and poems very amateurish and childish. But all the same the book, which is known as a diwan in Urdu, is my fondest link with my father.


When my father died, I didn't cry. I thought it was heroic. I was one of the pall-bearers and thought I had become a little big man. But I felt cheated despite the fact that he had prepared me for his death.


Learning all along


Hans Raj College
New Delhi.
Graduation in Economic Honours


After getting so many awards in school I believed that I would get admission in the best college of Delhi. I did not want to continue with science and instead wanted to switch over to economics. That entailed a cut in my percentage and strangely, I hadn?t scored well in my favourite subject, English. This is one of my life's greatest mysteries because I thought my English paper had been the best. In fact, boys who borrowed my notes on Shakespeare and studied Thomas Hardy from me got higher marks than I did. It was also the first lesson in life I learnt that one cannot be sure or confident about one's best efforts either. As sometimes your best is just not good enough. And that is one truth I live by even today. One should not get disappointed but try harder next time.


Anyway, I did not get admitted to the so-called best institute and the principal was rather rude to me when I showed him my awards and certificates. It was my first brush with the realities of the world. You are nobody in the larger scheme of things. The best student of the top school in Delhi was not good enough to be a part of the best college in Delhi.


I decided that if I was not going to get the best I would try and make best of what was being offered. I took admission in the first college that accepted me, and it happened to be Hans Raj College, Delhi University. I also shifted from science to economics. The logic being I wanted my education to be such that I could understand every page of the newspaper. I really enjoyed the supply and demand theory and national income accounting. Also I made sure that the marks I got in my exams were comparable to the highest marks in the so-called best college of Delhi.


I continued playing football hockey and cricket in college. Though I wanted to pursue my interest in sports my back injury and an arthritis-ruptured right knee would not allow me to. This was the time when I also did my first T.V. series Fauji and Dil Dariya.


Teaching grounds


I went on to do my Masters from the mass communication research center, Jamia Milia Islamia. This course claims to train you in filmmaking and journalism. I did my first year and was doing very well because I always wanted to make advertising films. Short films till date hold a strange fascination for me. So much to be said and such little time. Somewhat like life itself. Again the vice principal did not like the fact that I was dabbling with theater, television and production work for short films outside the college in my free time. He told me one day that since my attendance was not upto the mark he would prefer me not taking the final exams. Attendance was not the issue as I had done an extra project so I felt very disturbed. His logic was inexplicable. He felt everything was going rather smooth for me and I should get to face a few hardships. Being requested off the college was his way of preparing me for the real world. I packed my bags and decided I would learn how to make films and only go back to that institute when they called me to give a guest lecture on filmmaking. I am still working towards that.


So much for my education. All in all I did learn to read the newspaper from cover to cover. I also learned that if you want to learn about anything, find books on the subject and try and understand them yourself. Do not ask others to teach you. If after trying sincerely, you still don't, then ask for help. Also read books on all subjects, even the ones you are not interested in. Education to me means being aware of everything that happens around us. That's all.


The Beginning


Vivid Bharti


I started showing my inclination towards anything remotely connected with acting at a very early age. I remember we had an old radio, I think it was called a radiogram in those days. It weighed kilos and I still wonder why the modest 'gram' is attached to its name. Television wasn't a way of life then. I am talking about the early seventies, when the refrigerator was not kept in the kitchen but instead held center stage in the living room. Our main source of entertainment used to be this boxy and knobby radio. My parents would put on Vividh Bharti and sit around it in the evenings to listen to songs and the news. Once the news was over I usually took over. I loved to dance to the music. My parents would turn up the volume and I would do some really frantic dances. My dance was a cross between the twist, the tango and an acute epileptic fit. Lately I have seen this kind of dance in discos and Ricky Martin videos. Sometimes, when I am alone I take pride in the fact that I was the inventor of this completely inexplicable set of movements. I used to dance best to any song that I was told was picturised on Mumtaz.


Circus


Circus was a great experience. I had never travelled so much in my life. We went all over Maharashtra and areas in Goa over a three-month period. I got to see life in the circus at close quarters. Here was an art form quite akin to mine and the performers showed the kind of dedication and hard work which one seldom sees in any other workplace. It involved an element of sports, which made me really identify with the whole set up. We would shoot at all odd hours in between the show timings. We would start when the circus packed up at about ten at night. We would continue shooting throughout the night till nine in the morning, when the shows would start again.